Horace’s floor
Above are three pictures of Horace’s bedroom floor. Just to prove I’m not exagerating below
On Teenagers (female)
In many ways it is easy to forget that ‘The Teenager’ is part of the family. She doesn’t want to go out with you – unless there’s something in it for her, she appears only at meal times, she is not often at home as she is staying the night with a friend and when […]
Penguins and the Theatre
Here I sit, pondering life and how amazing it is, and why I, at my age, find it so much more interesting than 17 year old Horace, who droops around in a state of perpetual boredom unless listening to her type of music (which sounds just like the stuff I used to listen to), talking to her […]
Three Perimenopausal Women
Three perimenopausal women: Speak complete gibberish, Hear with difficulty and See only with glasses (Biggles, Upper and me), went for a cultural weekend in Stratford on Avon. We agreed to meet for a late lunch and I headed off in plenty of time to arrive at about 1pm. I was batting along the M40 in […]
Conkers
Conkers, Clonkers, Prickly gonads in frilly leaf underwear, Waiting to drop. Suspended reminders, That these balmy, aimless, dreaming days, Face warmed, Bird song, Will die, Cold. Ah but then, New world, Crisp, Crispy, Icy. Walking, Puffing clouds, Swishing feet, Clonk, Brown, glossy, peeping, Conkers
Child quote one
Boy to male Teaching Assistant, peering at the badge describing his name and position “Does that say Teaching Assassin?”
Child Quote two
Child 1 “I like your top miss” Miss (rather flattered) “Thank you, I like it too, it has pretty flowers doesn’t it?” Child 2 “I like your trousers” Miss (feeling really trendy) “Thank you” Child 3 “I like your shoes Miss” Miss (Now on top of the world) “Wow, thanks, I must be the best […]
Child quote three
Me “What did you do at school today?” Mavis “Can’t arember” Me “Did you do any reading” Mavis “No” Me “How about numbers” Mavis “No” Me “Well you must have done something” Mavis, after a pause “We did shapes” Me “Oh, what kind of shapes” Mavis “A ball shape” Me “Can you remeber what a […]
Child Quotes
I now have a new job. I no longer have a career. My job involves primary school children and is very entertaining. I can’t give any details about my job as it wouldn’t be appropriate however I see no reason why I should not regale you with a few amusing episodes as they crop up.
On Computer Dating
Several years ago, between husbands, I dipped a toe into the world of computer dating. This seemingly unbalanced move was initiated after a rather unsettling experience with a Lonely Heart from the local news paper. Have you ever rung one up, out of curiosity? Most of the men sound really ordinary but this chap sounded […]