The older and flabbier I become, the more my bras matter. I know I should be less flabby. Of course, that’s the answer, but as you will have read here, it’s not that easy for me. Consequently, over the years, my bras have grown larger and less sexy. I’ve even bought some of those extensions with the extra hooks rather than admit to being a bigger size.
Clearly, I also have less ego – I’m prepared to tell you this. I do it for the benefit of all larger ladies. It’s important to bring into the open these matters of boob bounce and circumference dig (not actually into the open I hasten to say. We don’t want an accident).
This desire for a decent bra is the reason why I was persuaded to click on a Facebook link… I know… First mistake.
As if in answer to a prayer (or chant), a video appeared on my timeline. An older woman, American accent I seem to remember, spoke of her battle to find the right bra. Unwilling to endure her incessant complaining, her husband persuaded her to design her own.
The bras looked great. Pretty, with wide straps, cross-over back and front fastening. On offer at an introductory price… you know the kind of thing.
The fact that the item came postage free, led me to the mistaken assumption that it would come from the UK. It was when I received the advice from Paypal saying: We’re taking payment for your…
… purchase, that I realised I was probably buying from China. This is something I try not to do for reasons of human rights, the planet and also because products take so long to come.
It actually took less than three weeks to arrive, but one gets so used to next day delivery, it felt like a long time. To be fair, I was kept informed every step of the way:
18/01 Daven Port,52801,United States,The shipment has been processed in the parcel center of origin. Not China then. Hooray for that.
19/01 The shipment has left the sorting center.
21/01 Richmond, 23225, United States, The shipment has left the sorting center.
27/01 The shipment is being inspected at the customs of United States.
30/01 The shipment has been shipped to United Kingdom.
01/02 The shipment arrived at the customs of United Kingdom. Oh no, it’ll be there for weeks!
04/02 The shipment is declared at the customs clearance of United Kingdom. Well, that’s a pleasant surprise (smiley face)
And it arrived very soon afterwards.
With huge expectations I tried it on. The circumference had 2 settings.
Now at this point I should state that the afore mentioned attractive, older lady had emphasized the sexiness of her bra. I tried the tighter setting and got that fabulous double-boob look we all adore. Oh no, thought I, I’ve ordered the wrong size. Damn.
I loosened to the larger circumference. There were no double boobs but the thing barely covered my nipples. Yes it was sexy but when I leant forward, my boobs dropped out of the cups. Duh.
I sat down to write this. I love a story that makes me look silly. The exercise took me back to the confirmation email and subsequent delivery messages mentioned above. It was then I discovered that the company had actually sent me the wrong size.
I have emailed asking for the correct size – a gulpingly embarrassing 6XL. I await the response with interest and perhaps a little hope.
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo